101 Uses for your Dead slum rats!

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101 Uses for your Dead slum rats!

Post by Stonebar/Keldri »

*Some flyers have been posted around that someone named Roy is branching out to help cover some recent losses. Always the Entrepeneur, he's now selling dead rats from the slums. Though few, if any, would believe that this list was really written by this Roy fella, and likely just a smear by some rival.*
Fur, sharp teeth, flexible tails, so many uses!

Roy's 101 uses for a dead rat!
1. Back Scratcher
2. Lawn Rats (like those pink lawn flamingos) Just add spikes and paint!
3. Bottle Opener
4. Doorstop
5. Decorative Conversation Piece
6. As a Warning to Live Rats
7. Cheap holiday present to show just how much you love (Loath) someone.
8. Boat (not ship) christening. Breaking a bottle of wine is alcohol abuse!
9. Flatten with rolling pin, now you have a Cheap necktie.
10. Bronze one to use as a unique forward Ornament for a noble's wagon.
11. A Doll's Toy Horse - 'Charlie'
12. Kids of overprotective, but cheap, parents can race them. No kids' feelings are hurt as no one ever loses (or wins, as dead Rats don't move).
13. A Quiet Animal Companion. Finally, a full night's sleep!
14. Bookmark; for large tomes see #9 otherwise Tails work perfect.
15. Table lamp or candle holder, some assembly required.
16. Gravity tester
17. Boot Buffer
18. Target Practice
19. Teeth make great Ink quill Sharpeners
20. Hole Puncher
21. Appetizer for a Rottweiller Puppy
22. 'Skippy' the never-tiring Familiar
23. A pet -Rock- Rat, also doubles as a paper weight
24. Dust rag chamois
25. Feather Duster, just add stick
26. Wagon window suction toy
27. Used by poor dock workers for face slapping in honor duals (Gloves are not cheap!)
28. Floating mug holder for your bath or pool.
29. Hollow it out to make a fun Rat shaped Jelly Mold.
30. Add one zipper along belly. Voila. One small handbag.
31. A pin cushion
32. Trap tester (would probably work better with live Rats)
33. Use a pair for cheap and festive oven mitts.
34. A substitute travel pillow.
35. Padded footstool for a Halfling.
36. A stick, plus underwear, and you have a toy sailboat to race down the sewers.
37. Letter opener
38. Teeth bites make easy pie crust crimping decorators.
39. Mounted on the wall above your fireplace. (You must start somewhere)
40. Tiefling horn decorations.
41. Elven ear sharpeners.
42. A test for giant spiders. Tie to a stick, swish around in web, and run.
43. Parasite farm (similar to an ant farm)
44. Poke holes in one then twirl it around your head by the tail for a noise maker (might work better with live Rats)
45. Fertilizer
46. Get two, attach them by a rope; viola! The hottest thing for designer bolos since fuzzy dice.
47. Hang it from the ceiling for a cheap punching bag.
48. Bird feeder. Bonus perk: free bird food (see #43)
49. Tetherball!
50. Roasted on an open fire like marsh-mellows, but gamier.
51. Tie seven or eight of them together, attach to a stick, and you have one hell of a Flail!
52. Shuffleboard
53. Leave one out in the sun for a week or so, water liberally...a do-it-yourself Chia pet!
54. Turn them around, blow to inflate, and you have water wings.
55. Bed slippers.
56. Deodorant for Orc. The Orc females love it, no need to club one over the head again!
57. Worn around the neck as Aasamar bane. Disclaimer in the fine print; no refunds.
58. Tied to your shoulder like a parrot as a conversation starter, and finger puppet.
59. A fury body suit for Roy to roll around in (Don’t ask, no really, you don't want to know)
60. Collect a few for a fun chess set.
61. Teeth = improvised Lock pick.
62. Crampons
63. Saw in half, bookends!
64. Stiffen one and add a poll; a useful tool for picking up other dead Rats. Never bend over again!
65. Lovely evening wrap for a goblin festive ball.
66. Dangly pierced earrings.
67. A mobile for a Necromancer's baby crib.
68. Weathervane.
69. Used as a Garrote to choke people. Then leave it as a unique assassin's calling card.
70. Another common use is a cute stencil for a child's room. Alternate Rat stencil with a Sword coast Galleon for a true nautical theme.
71. Hide armor for the growing pixie barbarian guild.
72. Tails make convenient toothpicks for outdoorsy types.
73. A great cat toy... they can't all be innovative
74. A one-way Boomerang.
75. Makes an unpleasant surprised in the center of a snowball. Note: Royal guards will kill you
76. Rub under nose to awake someone from a drunken stooper, better then smelling salt.
77. An Ink quill holder (a great combo gift, see #19)
78. A very small fur rug (In place of a Bear skin rug)
79. Ever wonder what Amnian Spam's really made of?
80. Fill with candy and make a really cool piñata.
81. They make terrific party hats
82. Wand cozy...
83. Toupee'
84. Use it to practice your goal kicks. (Once again, probably works better with live Rats).
85. Hackey Sack.
86. Draft excluder, place them under any door or window and save on your heating bills!
87. Toy for sadistic children.
88. Cheep Kindling.
89. Starter kit for a "Junior Headhunters" Set.
90. Boxing gloves.
91. Can't afford a bear or wolf coat? Rats + dye make for a good faux imitation.
92. Paws make good coat hangers
93. Great for cheap last minute party Masks.
94. Something to throw at the Bard when they sing off key.
95. Chalkboard eraser
96. Disposable dish rags. For when spitting in their food is just not enough.
97. Tails make a decent fishing lure, use bodies to grow maggots for more bait (see#43).
98. Secret ingredient in Lizardfolk egg soup. Finding a tail in your soup is a sign of good luck.... also a sign of food poisoning.
99. A Luskin kids-meal toy. The concealed knife within included by special order.
100. Toilet Paper, depends on how desperate you are after that Lizard egg soup.
101. Press between the pages of a book. Makes a lovely memento of your low-level adventures.
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Re: 101 Uses for your Dead slum rats!

Post by K.Kragh »

Flocks of lowlives can be seen coming to his business, and he is making good coin. (Poke me Ingame for a gold boost)
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